By Adam Gazzola 10. See who has a new baby. A veritable parade of new mommies can be seen every year pushing their infants in strollers while wearing daisy dukes, drinking Budweiser and eating a grinder.
9. Drink a Budweiser. I know I would rather pay $7 for one beer than an entire six-pack. As well, I would much prefer to drink a Bud than a tasty beer from some local microbrewery. Yum!
8. Eat a grinder. Lord knows the Wild Wild West Fest is the only place you can ever get one of those.
7. Buy a velvet poster. Here’s your opportunity to purchase one of those really cool glow-in-the-dark R.E.O. Speedwagon velvet posters you’ve been pining for since the ’70s.
6. Go to the rodeo. I mean it is the Wild Wild West Fest! Shouldn’t there should be a rodeo or something.
5. Learn you some Western history. There’s got to be somebody here talking about cowboys and Indians and how the west was won, right?
4. Delicious pastries. Enjoy funnel cakes and cotton candy masterpieces by world-renowned chefs from around the world and stuff.
3. Eat another grinder. Top off your grinder, warm flat Budweiser, cotton candy and funnel cake with yet another grinder. Not only will this aid in your digestion, but it will help reduce your cholesterol.
2. Find a carrier. When I think of the Wild Wild West Fest, I know I’m thinking about signing a 2-year contract with Verizon or Comcast. I feel so lucky when I see those booths there. Otherwise I would never have a phone, television, or the Internet.
1. Drink another Budweiser. This way you’ll have an excuse to leave the Wild Wild West Fest because you just ran out of money.