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October 2017 Horrorscopes

PULP’s petrifyingly precise prophecies for your October.

Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

Capricious criminals are known for their thought-out and meticulously planned scandals. They’re the most likely not to be caught by police, which is probably why the list of creepy Capricorns is so short. The darkest night of the month is on October 19th, when the New Moon is in Libra. This will create a perfect opportunity to go outside on October 21st to look at the Orionids Meteor Shower.

Celebrated Creepy Capricorns (Fiction and Nonfiction)*: Dean Arnold Corll “The Candy Man”, Tom Marvolo Riddle “Voldemort”, Bane.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarians are likely to use manipulation tactics and apt to be intelligent criminals, using the mistakes of others to their advantage. The Harvest Moon on October 5th, will be the perfect night to feast upon your….meals. Your ruling planet Saturn is in Sagittarius and Uranus is in Aries. A fiery trio that can make the month go up in flames.

Awful Aquarii (*): Freddy Krueger, Gary Ridgway “Green River Killer”, Kim Jong II.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Pisces, you are one of the three zodiac signs that are likely to be a serial killer. Take note of the Popular Pesky Pisceans below. Jupiter, one of your ruling planets, enters Scorpio on the 10th, which will sync up well with your chart. Your other ruling sign, Neptune is also in Pisces, which make make this month more of a treat than a trick.

Popular Pesky Pisceans (*): John Wayne Gacy “Killer Clown”, Charles Cullen “Angel of Death”, Donald Henry “Pee Wee” Gaskins, Randy Steven Kraft “Scorecard Killer/ Freeway Killer”, Richard Ramirez “Nightstalker, Norman Bates “American Psycho”, Charles Lee Ray “Chucky.”

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

The Full Moon, also known as the Harvest Moon will be in Aries on October 5th. The night will light your light up like that of an arsonist and a can of gasoline. A controlled burn is better than lighting smoke bombs in the forest. Don’t let your emotions get out of control, otherwise expect bridges to transform themselves in coal. Cool off during the beginning of the month and during the latter take some time around October 21st to go watch the Orionids Meteor Shower. Uranus is in Aries and your ruling planet is moving into Libra on October 22nd.

Archetypal and Abominable Aries (*): Alexander Joseph “Lex” Luthor, Henri Desire Landru “Bluebeard”.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

Venus, your ruling planet, will enter Libra on October 14th. Expect balance to be brought to the force around this time. Cast away that which you no longer need in your life on October 19th when the night will be as dark as the hearts of the Terrible Taurians.
Make sure to go outside on the night of the 20st when the Orionids Meteor shower will be lighting up the sky.

Terrible Talked-about Tauruses (*): David Miscavige “Leader of the Church of Scientology”, Pol Pot “Brother Number One”, Saddam “Fuzzy Nips” Hussein.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Gemini’s are one of the craziest of all the Zodiac signs. Just take a look at some of them below. Luckily for you there isn’t a lot of activity going on in Gemini, so you can expect calmer waters to be washing over you, beach. Mercury, your ruler, will be entering the dark and mysterious waters of Scorpio on October 17th, so emotions and conversations could be quite interesting.

Notable Grisly Gemini’s (*): Jeffrey Dahmer “Milwaukee Cannibal”, Mary Flora Bell “Child Killer”, David Berkowitz “Son of Sam”, Kenneth Bianchi “Hillside Strangler”, Richard Chase “Vampire of Sacramento”, Jason Vorhees “Jason [Friday the 13th]”, Donald “Big Hands I Know You’re the One” Trump.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

Your sign is ruled by the moon, and our neighborly satellite is highlighting your leadership qualities and the ability to bring balance to your life. This is due to the following alignments: the Full Moon in Aries on October 5th, and the New Moon in Libra on October 19th. The perfect time to peep out the Orionids Meteor shower on October 21st, because the night will be so dark. I’d suggest going to the Silver Cliff Cemetery.

Choice Creepy Cancer’s (*): Jodi “Pollyanna” Arias, OJ “The Juice” Simpson, Alessandro de’ Medici “il Moro”.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Leo, Leo, Leo. I was doing research for criminals along the Front Range and both Donald Harry Fearn and Vernon Wayne Howell (David Koresh) were Leo’s. You have a roar that is one of the loudest, and if you don’t aim to be forgiving, you can expect to be feared. Famous Leo, Elizabeth Bathory killed over 650 victims in a little less than 20 years. Your ruling celestial object, the Sun, will enter the water sign of Scorpio on October 21st, aim for balance, and have a tepid month.

Leading Loathsome Leo’s (*): Benito “Iron Prefect” Mussolini, Grigori Rasputin “Mad Monk Rasputin”, Elizabeth Bathory “The Blood Countess”, Emile Louis.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Virgo’s are often painted as the innocent one, “The Virgin.” It seems that statistics are going against the grain here and saying the Virgo’s are the most criminal of them all. Your ruling planet, Mercury, will enter the testy waters of Scorpio on October 17th. Your seductive and charming smile may make your victims wonder where the time went, just remember that time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

Vile Venerable Virgo’s (*): Ed Gein “The Plainfield Butcher”, Richard Biegenwald “Thrill Killer”, Dean Carter, Terry Blair, Andrew Cunanan “The Boston Strangler”, Henry Lee Lucas “Confession Killer”, Paul “Ken” Bernardo “Ken and Barbie Killers”, Bellatrix LeStrange ‘Bella”, Dr. Jonathan Crane “Scarecrow.”

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Happy Birthday, Libra! There is a lot happening in your sign this month, everything in this month is a little appetizer of what’s to come in the upcoming year. Venus enters Libra on October 14th, The New Moon is in Libra on October 19th, and Mars will enter Libra on October 22nd. Your lucky day this month is the 14th, when your ruling sign will be highlighting your chart.

Leading Lousy Libra’s (*): Michael Myers “The Shape”, Carietta “Carrie” White, Bobby Joe Long “Classified Ad Rapist”, Andrei Chikatilo “Butcher of Rostov.”

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

There is a decent amount of change and activity in Scorpio this October, enough so that it can shake up your life, especially if it has become rather stale. Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th, Mercury will enter Scorpio on October 17th, and the Sun enters your sign to say, “Happy Birthday” on October 23rd. You’re one of the darkest Zodiac signs, in that you are mysterious, and that’s what draws others to you.

Sinister Scorpio’s (*): Hannibal Lector “Hannibal the Cannibal”, Kefka Palazzo “The Psycho Clown”, Charles Manson.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

You’re one of the creepiest, criminal, and charming of all the Fire signs, just take a look at Ted Bundy. Women were seduced by him, even victims residing in Colorado were willing to uproot their entire lives just to marry ol’ Teddy Bear. October 1st is surely a special anniversary, the time to reap the rewards of the year is on October 5th, when the Harvest Moon will illuminate your life. The jovial giant Jupiter rules your sign, and Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th.

Scuzzy and Scandalous Sagittarii (*): Ted Bundy “Lady Killer”, George Chapman “The Borough Poisoner”, Alton “Pissy” Coleman, Timothy Krajcir “The Beast of Ukraine/ The Terminator”.

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