Connect with us

Horoscopes

October 2017 Horrorscopes

Published

on

Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

Capricious criminals are known for their thought-out and meticulously planned scandals. They’re the most likely not to be caught by police, which is probably why the list of creepy Capricorns is so short. The darkest night of the month is on October 19th, when the New Moon is in Libra. This will create a perfect opportunity to go outside on October 21st to look at the Orionids Meteor Shower.

Celebrated Creepy Capricorns (Fiction and Nonfiction)*: Dean Arnold Corll “The Candy Man”, Tom Marvolo Riddle “Voldemort”, Bane.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarians are likely to use manipulation tactics and apt to be intelligent criminals, using the mistakes of others to their advantage. The Harvest Moon on October 5th, will be the perfect night to feast upon your….meals. Your ruling planet Saturn is in Sagittarius and Uranus is in Aries. A fiery trio that can make the month go up in flames.

Awful Aquarii (*): Freddy Krueger, Gary Ridgway “Green River Killer”, Kim Jong II.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Pisces, you are one of the three zodiac signs that are likely to be a serial killer. Take note of the Popular Pesky Pisceans below. Jupiter, one of your ruling planets, enters Scorpio on the 10th, which will sync up well with your chart. Your other ruling sign, Neptune is also in Pisces, which make make this month more of a treat than a trick.

Popular Pesky Pisceans (*): John Wayne Gacy “Killer Clown”, Charles Cullen “Angel of Death”, Donald Henry “Pee Wee” Gaskins, Randy Steven Kraft “Scorecard Killer/ Freeway Killer”, Richard Ramirez “Nightstalker, Norman Bates “American Psycho”, Charles Lee Ray “Chucky.”

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

The Full Moon, also known as the Harvest Moon will be in Aries on October 5th. The night will light your light up like that of an arsonist and a can of gasoline. A controlled burn is better than lighting smoke bombs in the forest. Don’t let your emotions get out of control, otherwise expect bridges to transform themselves in coal. Cool off during the beginning of the month and during the latter take some time around October 21st to go watch the Orionids Meteor Shower. Uranus is in Aries and your ruling planet is moving into Libra on October 22nd.

Archetypal and Abominable Aries (*): Alexander Joseph “Lex” Luthor, Henri Desire Landru “Bluebeard”.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

Venus, your ruling planet, will enter Libra on October 14th. Expect balance to be brought to the force around this time. Cast away that which you no longer need in your life on October 19th when the night will be as dark as the hearts of the Terrible Taurians.
Make sure to go outside on the night of the 20st when the Orionids Meteor shower will be lighting up the sky.

Terrible Talked-about Tauruses (*): David Miscavige “Leader of the Church of Scientology”, Pol Pot “Brother Number One”, Saddam “Fuzzy Nips” Hussein.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Gemini’s are one of the craziest of all the Zodiac signs. Just take a look at some of them below. Luckily for you there isn’t a lot of activity going on in Gemini, so you can expect calmer waters to be washing over you, beach. Mercury, your ruler, will be entering the dark and mysterious waters of Scorpio on October 17th, so emotions and conversations could be quite interesting.

Notable Grisly Gemini’s (*): Jeffrey Dahmer “Milwaukee Cannibal”, Mary Flora Bell “Child Killer”, David Berkowitz “Son of Sam”, Kenneth Bianchi “Hillside Strangler”, Richard Chase “Vampire of Sacramento”, Jason Vorhees “Jason [Friday the 13th]”, Donald “Big Hands I Know You’re the One” Trump.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

Your sign is ruled by the moon, and our neighborly satellite is highlighting your leadership qualities and the ability to bring balance to your life. This is due to the following alignments: the Full Moon in Aries on October 5th, and the New Moon in Libra on October 19th. The perfect time to peep out the Orionids Meteor shower on October 21st, because the night will be so dark. I’d suggest going to the Silver Cliff Cemetery.

Choice Creepy Cancer’s (*): Jodi “Pollyanna” Arias, OJ “The Juice” Simpson, Alessandro de’ Medici “il Moro”.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Leo, Leo, Leo. I was doing research for criminals along the Front Range and both Donald Harry Fearn and Vernon Wayne Howell (David Koresh) were Leo’s. You have a roar that is one of the loudest, and if you don’t aim to be forgiving, you can expect to be feared. Famous Leo, Elizabeth Bathory killed over 650 victims in a little less than 20 years. Your ruling celestial object, the Sun, will enter the water sign of Scorpio on October 21st, aim for balance, and have a tepid month.

Leading Loathsome Leo’s (*): Benito “Iron Prefect” Mussolini, Grigori Rasputin “Mad Monk Rasputin”, Elizabeth Bathory “The Blood Countess”, Emile Louis.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Virgo’s are often painted as the innocent one, “The Virgin.” It seems that statistics are going against the grain here and saying the Virgo’s are the most criminal of them all. Your ruling planet, Mercury, will enter the testy waters of Scorpio on October 17th. Your seductive and charming smile may make your victims wonder where the time went, just remember that time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

Vile Venerable Virgo’s (*): Ed Gein “The Plainfield Butcher”, Richard Biegenwald “Thrill Killer”, Dean Carter, Terry Blair, Andrew Cunanan “The Boston Strangler”, Henry Lee Lucas “Confession Killer”, Paul “Ken” Bernardo “Ken and Barbie Killers”, Bellatrix LeStrange ‘Bella”, Dr. Jonathan Crane “Scarecrow.”

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Happy Birthday, Libra! There is a lot happening in your sign this month, everything in this month is a little appetizer of what’s to come in the upcoming year. Venus enters Libra on October 14th, The New Moon is in Libra on October 19th, and Mars will enter Libra on October 22nd. Your lucky day this month is the 14th, when your ruling sign will be highlighting your chart.

Leading Lousy Libra’s (*): Michael Myers “The Shape”, Carietta “Carrie” White, Bobby Joe Long “Classified Ad Rapist”, Andrei Chikatilo “Butcher of Rostov.”

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

There is a decent amount of change and activity in Scorpio this October, enough so that it can shake up your life, especially if it has become rather stale. Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th, Mercury will enter Scorpio on October 17th, and the Sun enters your sign to say, “Happy Birthday” on October 23rd. You’re one of the darkest Zodiac signs, in that you are mysterious, and that’s what draws others to you.

Sinister Scorpio’s (*): Hannibal Lector “Hannibal the Cannibal”, Kefka Palazzo “The Psycho Clown”, Charles Manson.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

You’re one of the creepiest, criminal, and charming of all the Fire signs, just take a look at Ted Bundy. Women were seduced by him, even victims residing in Colorado were willing to uproot their entire lives just to marry ol’ Teddy Bear. October 1st is surely a special anniversary, the time to reap the rewards of the year is on October 5th, when the Harvest Moon will illuminate your life. The jovial giant Jupiter rules your sign, and Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th.

Scuzzy and Scandalous Sagittarii (*): Ted Bundy “Lady Killer”, George Chapman “The Borough Poisoner”, Alton “Pissy” Coleman, Timothy Krajcir “The Beast of Ukraine/ The Terminator”.

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Horoscopes

November 2017 Horoscopes

Published

on

Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

You are the tenth sign of the zodiac, an earth sign ruled by Saturn, planet of restriction and limitation. Your ruling sign will be in Sagittarius until the end of the year; and Jupiter, the ruler of Sagittarius, is in the house of Saturn. The synergy of the planets will have you feeling as if you’re in the right place at the right time, particularly around November 11th, when Saturn will trine Uranus. The New Moon in Scorpio on November 18th is your hard reset date, time to see how beautiful letting go can be.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarius, you are an air sign ruled by Saturn, planet of restriction and limitation, and Uranus, God of the heavens and the sky. The most powerful day for you in November will be when both of your ruling planets (Saturn and Uranus) trine one another, that is the planets are 120 degrees apart, creating a harmonious angle of support, this day is November 11th. Prepare for this date by taking time out your day on or near November 4th (The Full Moon) to do some agenda setting, your wish is the universe’s command.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Your dreamy and ethereal nature will come into play this November. You are a sign represented by two fish, swimming in opposite directions that find a way to balance each other out. There is a lot happening in November with the water signs, so you will be in an elemental month of favor. Some examples are Venus entering Scorpio on November 7th, The New Moon in Scorpio on November 18th, and your ruling planet Neptune going direct in Pisces on November 22nd. The proverbial fog in your life will begin to lift as Neptune takes an exodus on its retrograde cycle, you’ve noticed a difference since your other ruling planet, Jupiter, entered Scorpio on October 10th and will remain there for quite some time.

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

Your ruling planet, Mars, the God of War is housed in Libra, an air sign ruled by beauty and love. Fire needs oxygen (air) in order to remain ablaze, balance is the key so as to not burn bridges or to risk your flame being snuffed. There will be two major meteor showers this month. November 4th go outside and check the Taurids Meteor Shower, and on November 17th the Leonids Meteor Shower. The Leonids is produced by dust grains left behind by the comet Tempel-Tuttle.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

You are an earth sign governed by Venus, Goddess of Love. The most powerful dates for you this month are November 4th, 5th, and 13th. On November 4th, the Full Moon is in Taurus, this is a great time to harvest that which you’ve sewn, and is also the date of the Taurids Meteor Shower. Venus will enter the mysterious and charming sign of Scorpio on November 7th. November 13th is the Conjunction of Venus and Jupiter; the two bright planets will be visible in the eastern sky, just before sunrise.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Your ruling planet Mercury, will enter Sagittarius on November 5th. Sagittarius is intelligent and cunning, so you can use this beneficial date to use the power of gib to get your way; or at least practice rhetoric. The best day to let go of what no longer serves you is on the darkest night of the month, which will be on November 18th when the New Moon is in Scorpio; You can also go outside and look at the Leonids Meteor Shower, which takes place near the constellation of Leo.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

You are an emotionally intelligent and sensitive sign, dear Cancer. A water sign who is ruled by our local satellite, the Moon. The Moon will be in the fellow friendly sign of Taurus on November 4th and in the highly compatible sign of Scorpio on November 18th. November is a month that is primarily dominated by the element of water so you may feel more at home particularly during this lunar cycle. When your home life is steady and safe, everything else in your life seems to fall in place.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Although the days have gotten shorter, we are closer to the Sun in the Northern Hemisphere compared to Winter months as opposed to the Summer. The tilt is what causes us to feel like we are in the dark; entering a slumber. Now is the time to harvest the gifts of what the year has brought to you and then prepare to enter a mode of reflection. It’s been quite the year of change and growth and in retrospect you’ve grown so much. The Sun will enter fellow fire sign Sagittarius on November 21st, set the world ablaze with your leadership abilities during this time.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

This may be a quiet month for you, but will be ruled in your favor. November is primarily dominated by water and you are an earth sign that compliments water completely. Your ruling sign Mercury, will enter Sagittarius on November 5th. Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot, I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. A time to blow your own canons into the world of possibility.

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Libra, you are ruled by Venus, the Goddess of Love and Beauty. Venus will enter the mysterious waters of Scorpio on November 7th. This will be a time when your personal art of charm and wit will come into play; ask and you shall receive. The power of gib and retort will be in your favor. A good time to wish upon a star is around the beginning of the month, when the Taurids Meteor Shower will be giving earthlings quite the spectacle in the sky.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

Happy Birthday, Scorpio! November is the month when your sign is at home in the elemental sign of water. Many favorable days lie in front of you. Venus will enter
Scorpio on November 7th, The New Moon will enter Scorpio on November 18th, and Neptune will cease its retrograde period and enter the fellow harmonious sister sign of Pisces on November 22nd. The eight weeks leading up to your birthday are a thin slice of what you can expect in the year ahead. Take note and enjoy.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

The latter half of November will be chock-full of Sagittarius birthdays. The eight weeks leading up to your birthday are a preview and synopsis of the year ahead. God of Communication, Mercury, enters Sagittarius on November 5th, use this powerful day to ask for what you want. Your ruling planet Jupiter, the God and planet of plenty is residing in the constellation of Scorpio, a powerful sign full of emotion and mystery. Expect the unexpected; you may feel anxiety on November 22nd when Jupiter will sesquiquadrate with Chiron, this angle is asking you to “just breathe, all will be okay”, and it will.

Continue Reading

Horoscopes

August 2017 Horoscopes

Published

on

Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19

Your ruling planet Saturn will cease its retrograde on June 24th and begin a long journey towards Capricorn, this will be Facebook official on December 20th, 2017.  Networking and expanding your circle should be number one on your to-do-list. Your social circle and the chance of making life-changing network connections couldn’t be better. There is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius on August 7th and a New Moon Total Solar Eclipse in Leo on August 21st. Make sure to protect your ojos.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on August 7th is in your sign Aquarius. The Full Moon is an excellent time to receive the gifts you so-earnestly deserve (or just take what you want). It is also a perfect time to let go of anything holding you back e.g. your “girlfriend”, it’s almost football and video game season. It is not a good time to let go of your spine, which is holding your back, proceed with caution (and an aspirin). Like Capricorn, your ruler Saturn will stop the retrograde motion in our sky and start to make its journey into the capricious goat (sounds scandalous). You’ve had plenty of time to think things through, aim your vision big and shoot for the stars. Just do it, ya soft Nancy.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

I peered into a crystal ball online and it showed me that the best day for you this month is August 27th when Jupiter sextiles Saturn. Neptune is retrograde so the entirety of August may feel like the love baby of M.C. Escher and M. Night Shamalamadingdong. There is both a Lunar and Solar Eclipse this month, which only heightens the probability of that previously mentioned freaky scenario. My advice is to prescribe to the unusual; say, “no” when you’d say, “yes”. Say yes when you’d say, “no.” Do you not disagree? Yeah, right.

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

Uranus will be retrograde in Aries on August 4th, to those unfamiliar with astrology this could sound like a frightfully painful situation. That day could be described like running backwards through a cornfield with your pants down while listening to Pantera vs. Cotton-Eyed Joe at 150 bpm while a midget-err little person, dressed as a clown chases you yelling, “come here, Elizabeth” even though that’s not your name. Some may enjoy this, and some may find it incredibly uncomfortable. Mercury will retrograde in fellow fire sign Leo, so batten down the hatches of communication.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

August is dominated by the elements of fire and air. You are an Earth sign ruled by Venus and she enters Leo (fire) on August 26th. Balance the trio with water, and you’ll be good to go. Prepare for your love to be unyielding, fiery, and ravenous. Gather fuel for your embers in the days preparing for this alignment of the great cosmos. Like the poet Rumi once said, “set yourself on fire, seek those who fan your flames.” The energy coming from this transition is hot, dramatic, and enthusiastic. This is surely to be a time of great vitality and don’t call me surely. Have fun with this one.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Gemini, oh Gemini. There isn’t much going on in your sign this month. You could and should settle down the twins, who were gone with the wind in June and July. Shut up and kiss reality, you fool. This August your face may resemble a chipmunk, since your mouth sword may be tongue-in-cheek. My neighbor’s cousin’s fortune cookie said that you should get all major communications cleared prior to August 31st, which is when your ruling sign (Mercury) goes retrograde in the wrath of Leo. Roar. Also your lucky numbers this month are 1, 2, 3, ready, set, go.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

Is it called cannibalism if a Cancer eats Crab? I Googled that question and I received no answers. But I did get put on a watchlist, so thank you. This month can be life-changing. You are ruled by the Moon and like a sexy pair of jeans, it’s fitting in all the right places (I just learned that statement could be harassment, or herassment in the workplace, I didn’t fully hear Debra at the PR meeting. Thanks Debra). Anyway, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on August 7th and a New Moon Total Solar Eclipse on August 21st. Eclipses mark the beginning and the end, and two in one month could be the end of the beginning.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Happy birthday, Leo! Yep, still your birthday month and it’s still due to multiple planetary alignments circumnavigating towards your fervent constellation! You’ve got the: New Moon Total Solar Eclipse in Leo, Venus entering Leo, Mercury Retrograde in what?! You guessed it! Leo! Not to mention Mars is in a sign that rhymes with Cleo (hint: not Neo). When?!  Right now!  What does it all mean?! I don’t know… you tell me. Life is subjective anyway, but you’re the mane dish in August, always.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Hey Virgo, it’s yo birthday. Go Virgo, it’s your birthday, you should party like it’s yo birthday. You should sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday, because after September 22nd, I’m gonna say, “it’s not your birthday.” There is a lot happening in the way of Virgo this month. Your ruling planet, Mercury (God of Communication) begins its retrograde cycle in your sign on August 12th, and then goes full-on Leo status on August 31st. Like the wise Kimya D. sang, “ Loose lips might sink ships but loose kisses take trips. To San Francisco, double dutch disco, Tech TV hottie, do it for Scotty. Do it for the living and do it for the dead. Do it for the monsters under your bed. Do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom. Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong.”

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Libra, you are a Libra, very good job Libra. I kind of heard that in my head being said by the POTUS. Take that as you will. There are two Eclipses in August, so you’re getting cut quite the deal. On August 7th, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius and on August 21st there is a New Moon Total Solar Eclipse in Leo. All signs will definitely be feeling the dark side of the moon. This month begs you, and your fellow earthlings to honor the darkness and to bring that which lurks in the shadows to light.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

No major transits occur in your sign this month. This is not a good thing nor a bad thing, it just is. Sometimes it’s nice to have a neutral month that lacks intensity and apathy. Your ruling planet, Mars is in Leo so you may have a little more ‘oomph’ in your step; a little more ‘ineffable’ in your presence. If August were a dance, it would be the Salsa–stepping forward with your left foot, leaning back on your right foot, stepping back with your left foot, etc. If August were a fictitious film character it would be none other than Marla Hooch, what a hitter. What a game, but Scorpio’s, playing baseball? *wink*wink*wince*

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

Sagittarius. Yo, girl, we need to get real (boys need not get offensive, just go with it)…okay, nevermind. Strike that. Reverse it. The dog days of summer are here and things may start getting especially steamy (or moist) on August 26th when Venus enters fellow fire sign, Leo. Don’t let the pride of this alignment get in the way of greatness. There lay a tremendous power in surrender, succumb. Don’t deny that which has been present, all the more do not acknowledge that which has been lacking. Do or do not, there is no try.

Continue Reading

Breaking

A glorious month for Taurus, June horoscopes

Published

on

"Taurus", plate 17 in Urania's Mirror, a set of celestial cards accompanied by A familiar treatise on astronomy ... by Jehoshaphat Aspin. London. Astronomical chart, 1 print on layered paper board : etching, hand-colored.

Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

The tides are shifting in your favor, dear Capricorn. As the jovial giant Jupiter goes direct on June 9th you will begin to ride the waves of change. The lense that other people choose to see you is that of a receptive and thoughtful leader. Like the capricious sea-goat that you are, you balance well with Taurus, a fellow earth sign. Venus enters Taurus on June 6th, so bring out your influential capacities and exude your powers to the fullest.

Aquarius 1/20–2/18

June will be a serene month for you, Aquarius. A fun-loving time to enjoy mother earth and the great outdoors. Your masculine (outgoing) and fixed (stable/persistent) qualities will be put to wonderful use if you channel your energy accordingly. Libra is your sister sign, and the biggest planet in our solar system, Jupiter, enters Libra on June 9th. This can electrically charge your psyche. It would be wise to embrace your powers of: idealism, friendship and intellect.

Pisces 2/19–3/20

You are an unrestrained body of water, dear Pisces. On the outside you look inviting and harmless, but if someone gets on your bad side they should be prepared for a treacherous undertow to carry them away. You are ruled by Neptune, God of the Sea and Jupiter, King of the gods. You are the final sign in the zodiacal cycle. Prepare for emotions to get shaken and stirred as Mars enters Cancer on June 4th. Your ruling planet, Jupiter, goes direct in Libra on June 9th, this is a game-changer.

Aries 3/21–4/19

Your ruling planet, Mars, enters Cancer on June 4th. This can awaken your inner dragon that lays dormant along that ol’ country road. Beware, for this alignment can cause your emotions to become fiery. Rather than burning down a town — why don’t you mellow and roast some marsh. If you can control your tongue you won’t have to ask for forgiveness later. Your energy runs hot and you are a natural born leader yet you are about to enter a predominantly water-based month, so balance is the key. With just enough heat and water, things can get steamy (find some vegetables).

Taurus 4/20–5/20

This will be an especially glorious month for you, Taurus. Your governing sign, Venus (planet and Goddess of beauty and love) will enter your sign on June 6th. You may start to feel extraordinary, sexy, beaming, and on top of your game — all aspects which will circumnavigate the concept of love. You’re giving, grounded, and stable — so spread your gift on planet Earth when friends and family may seem dazed and confused. It may seem that while you get wiser, all those other signs stay the same age.

Gemini 5/21–6/21

Happy birthday, Gemini! Your ruling planet, Mercury (messenger of the Gods) enters Cancer on June 6th. Get some soap by the ready, and prepare to get your hands extra dirty as you whip out the twins (Castor and Pollux). This is a month to get in some light-hearted trouble, after all it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Your wit and banter are unmatched this lunar cycle so feel free to ask for what you want; the hardest part will be to actually decipher what that is and figuring out what to do with it. Wish big or go home.

Cancer 6/22–7/22

Your birthday cycle starts at the end of the month. So by the time you’re reading this, this page may have coffee grounds embedded in the pulp. Zing! Yet, the cosmos told me to genuinely wish you a happy birthday. If you didn’t know it already, your sign is highly influenced by the waxing and waning of our nearest satellite, the Moon. The Moon enters Sagittarius on June 9th (Full Moon) and your sign on June 23rd (New Moon). The waxing and waning of the moon is like a stop light. The time to receive (red) is June 9th, and the time to plant your ideas (green) and come out of your shell is June 23rd.

Leo 7/23–8/22

Roar! The Full Moon on June 9th happens in fellow fire sign Sagittarius. Set the world ablaze as you trip the light fantastic into the summer nights. The Full Moon is a time of receiving. So reap what you’ve sewn at the beginning of the month. If you’re empty-handed then your farming skills are bollocks. Paint your thumb green and pat yourself on the back. Your ruling celestial object, the Sun, enters emotional Cancer on June 21st, so soak in the rays. Make sure to use proper skin care equipment, I cannot be held liable for any sunburns or worse, covfefe. If life hands you covfefe, make covfefemonade.

Virgo 8/23–9/22

Ah, Virgo. You are an earth sign governed by Mercury, messenger of the Gods. Venus enters fellow earth sign Taurus on June 6th while your ruling planet enters Cancer on June 6th. So what the heck does that mean? It means if you don’t play the hell out of the cards that life handed you, then you’re going to be sitting on a pile of covfefe. So for everyones sake and for the love of the Gods, learn how to sail and get your ship together, Francis. Afterall, ships were not built to sit safely in the harbor. You’re very compatible with water signs, and the end of the month can be a great time to harness your feminine powers to properly receive the elixir of life.

Libra 9/23–10/22

Your ruling sign Venus (planet and Goddess of beauty and love) enters Taurus on June 6th, so prepare to get an extra ‘oomph’ in your step. The new pep can lead you to unexpected opportunities as you trip the light fantastic. Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system goes direct in Libra on June 9th, so prepare for a cosmic makeover. Your adept social skills and outgoing nature will help you to lasso the ship out of a harbort; enabling you to steer the rudder of your life in any direction you choose.

Scorpio 10/23–11/21

Your ruling celestial object, Mars (God and planet of war) enters fellow water sign Cancer on June 4th. This alignment has the magical ability to either create life, mud, or covfefe. The right balance can make you feel like the puzzle of your life is finally coming together piece by piece. June 9th is also an especially favorable day, the Moon will be fully illuminated in Sagittarius so rewards are likely to come your way around this time. Control is your forte, so master your mind, and your problems will likely go away.

Sagittarius 11/22–12/21

Your ruling planet, Jupiter, starts going direct in Libra on June 9th. This is a big deal because Jupiter is so massive that many moons, and asteroids have been sucked into its gravitational pull. The Great Red Spot (a hurricane-like storm) on Jupiter is so big that it could fit three Earth’s. Yet, that spot is a fractional size of the mighty planet. A definite change is coming, whether that be in your energy, demeanor, or mindset. This is a time to steer your shoes any direction you choose. A definite tilt will happen on June 21st, the Summer Solstice, enjoy. If you don’t imbibe in this cosmic energy, prepare to have an evil apparition visit you in your dreams. Sleep tight and don’t let the covfefe bite.

Continue Reading

Trending