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Horoscopes for October 2015

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Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

What a magical time to be alive. It’s almost as if you’d been asleep your whole life and you just woke up. The crisp air of the morning, the crunch of the leaves beneath your feet, you can feel it all. October is a time of boundless, expansive energy that creates dynamic relationships within your universe. If things aren’t working out for you this month, it’s simply because the timing isn’t right. Once things start clicking then it’s time to buckle up and enjoy the ride. Roll your windows down, let the breeze dance between your fingers as you hum a hymn to autumn.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

October welcomes your sign into the season of change—get out your penny wrappers. This month there is a lot of influence coming from the celestial territory of Virgo. Passion, sex, values, and primal matter have called you out. I can’t tell you what this means because this is meant to be subjective. Shake the cobwebs out of your fall shoes to make sure there isn’t a wolf spider waiting to nom on your phalanges. Om nom nom nom.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Your opposite sign, Virgo—has a lot of influence on your chart this month. How in tune are you with Virgo? Virgo can bring your lofty ideals down to Earth and add a pinch of practicality. If you don’t like this, then you may have a difficult month. October brings you fresh challenges that only a Pisces can handle. Expect to have zero expectations and become aware of the dualities that possess life. Embrace your instincts and take nothing personal, these are your locally forged weapons of light.

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

Your fiery nature has the ability to burn a scar on barren landscapes and to give brilliant light to that which is lost in the dark. You’ve gotta realize that both are not separate but are a part of the whole and encompass your existence. October is all about partnerships and relationships. If you can keep your passion pilot light lit to medium heat then you can prepare to simmer a sweet and savory story for years to come. It is best that you just simmer, like Donna. Donna Simmer, summer…

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

The Full Moon (Hunters Moon) on October 27th is sure to be a period of robust harvests and gatherings. The cycles in life occur on both large and small scales and when you take a few moments to realize this then you can strategize—everything. This is a prolific period to do a personal check and balance with your relationships. Are you receiving as much as you’re releasing? If not, then get it together. The weeks leading up to the Full Moon can be intense, or if you’re hipster camping—in tents. The vigor will start around the date of October 13th.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

You are the sign of the twins, Gemini. Do you use your power for good or for evil? Theories can be developed by plotting data. Do your leisure activities include reading arcane witchcraft and wizardry to predict the future? If you answered, “yes” we can postulate the latter. Evil can be fun—if you salt the rim and add grapefruit juice. The lofty nature of your ideals have attracted certain people into your life. This will be anything but a boring month.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

You’re an emotional sign, Cancer. The feeling of fall can be a transcendental experience that can inspire you to dig a little deeper. Finding the root of something is where you need to start. Begin anew as you walk through the fresh air of October. A negative Nancy may come strutting her stuff into your life around October 13th. Keep a healthy distance or invite her over for “tea.” That’s your move, make your mark. The nuisance won’t linger for long and before you know it you will be sipping on a pumpkin chai latte whether you’re willing to publicly admit that you like it or not.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

When you roar you are heard and felt for miles. Has there been a disturbance in the force lately, Leo? Have you already dismissed the possibility of it being the impending Star Wars movie? Like all things within the force, there must be a balance. If you’re having a good time, be prepared for war, if you’re having a bad time, maybe it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to buy some tea and crumpets, or trumpets—if you’re into alliterations.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

It seem as if the planets are having a party this month and it’s at your house! Unless you track the planetary movements, this unexpected soiree will be quite the shocker. Although unplanned, you can celebrate throughout the entirety of October. Venus comes into Virgo on October 8th and from that date on, you can expect your dreams to come true. If you’re having dreams of doing monotonous things at work again, try eating some spicy food before bed.

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

The balance that you crave will be served to you by the chef. This October the theme is balance and rewards. If you’re finding yourself having more bad days than good ones then something isn’t right. Evaluate what isn’t working for you and follow what you do. You don’t have to be completing your goals at this point, just make sure you’re making tiny steps. Pretend you’re sneaking up on your significant other to offer them a fortuitous surprise. SURPRISE!

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

You’re having quite an energetic month. The trick to winning October is to balance this energy and also to consume all things pumpkin. Your love life this month will receive a nice jolt. This is due to Mars and Venus being in harmony. Your ability to move and shake the world are at its peak. This is the time to make things happen, those tangibles that you so deliciously desire. Saturn is officially out of Scorpio so you can breathe now.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

Prosperity is leaching into your life at rates you almost can’t handle. But you can, and do—because you’re a Sagittarius. Your reputation is larger than you are and this can open up many doors for you. The wealth that comes into your life can be attributed to your hard work and Jupiter pulling the strings in your favor. Saturn has recently gone direct in your sign and will influence your chart in many ways. It is the start of a new cycle and beginnings have challenges that can be extremely rewarding—break on through to the other side.

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Horoscopes

December 2017 Horoscopes

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Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

Happy Birthday, Capricorn! Your ruling sign, Saturn, will be exiting Libra and entering your sign on December 19th. There may have been limitations holding you back from actualizing a dream of yours, the weight and restrictions of this may be lifted with this alignment. The Sun will also enter your sign as soon as the Winter Solstice takes place. Prepare to feel a little more love from the universe on December 25th, when Venus enters into the mysterious (yet practical) realm of the sea-goat.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarius, like Capricorn, you are ruled by Saturn, and Saturn will be entering Capricorn on December 19th, this affects you and limitations and restricted will be lifted. So take care of business around this time; others will see your steadfast nature and adhere to your will. Your other ruling sign, Uranus, has just begun a retrograde cycle in Aries. Life may seem to be blowing your proverbial kite in various directions, but if you have a solid foundation, it doesn’t matter where you wind up. Make sure to go on a nighttime adventure on the night of the 13th, when the Geminids Meteor Shower will peak.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Chiron is a comet with a unique and erratic orbit. It symbolizes the “wounded healer” and is representative of deep wounds and efforts to heal that wound. Chiron will be going direct in Pisces on the 5th, so it is imperative that you take some time out of your life to pamper yourself. As above, so below. Once you focus on your inner world, the outer world will radiate this energy. The Winter Solstice on the 21st represents a reflective time to rest up and store energy for Spring 2018. Recharge and rejuvenate, you deserve it.

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

Your ruling planet, Mars, was housed in Libra, and will enter the sexual and mysterious waters of Scorpio on the 9th. This transition will have you feeling like you’re at the top of your game. There are two meteor showers this month, the best one by far, will peak on Dec 13th (Geminids Meteor Shower, with 120 meteors per hour and will radiate from Gemini), with 5-10 meteors per hour, the Ursids Meteor Shower will peak from the 21st through the 22nd and will be shooting (pew pew!) from the constellation of Ursa Minor. All in all, a pleasant month.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

Your ruling sign, Venus, will enter steadfast Sagittarius on December 1st and then make its way to Capricorn on the 26th. A fast-moving planet, it spreads its love across our cosmos, leaving behind a trail of positive vibes. No major transits for your sign occur this month, however, the only Supermoon of 2017 will occur on the 3rd, this moon was known to Native Americans as the ‘Full Cold Moon.’ This lunar cycles marks the impending colder nights of winter, yet will be the biggest and brightest moon of the year. As our nearest satellite wanes from the sky, go outside on the 13th, when the Geminids Meteor Shower reaches its peak, giving earthly residents a sight for sore eyes.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

This is quite a busy month for you, dear Gemini. Your ruling planet, Mercury, will retrograde in Sagittarius on the 3rd, and then go direct on the 22nd. This may be a difficult time for other signs, but you have a gifted tongue, and will navigate the rocky terrain of communications quite well. There is also a Full Supermoon on the 3rd in Gemini, this is the only Supermoon of 2017. This is the perfect time to harvest that which you’ve worked so hard for. One of the brightest and most active meteor showers of the year will happen on the 13th. This is the Geminids Meteor Shower and you guessed it, it will radiate from the sign of Gemini, with a whopping 120 trailblazers per hour, you won’t want to miss this!

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

This is a great month to foster your need for comfort and family. Your ruling celestial body is our nearest satellite, the Moon. The Full Moon on the 3rd will be the only Supermoon of 2017, so it will be extra bright on this cold night. As the Northern Hemisphere becomes more frigid, you can focus your attention to the vastly warmer world that happens on the inside, whether that’s the comfort of your home, or your fantasies. This is a time to reflect on all that you’ve accomplished in 2017, and to restore your energy for the upcoming new year.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Leo, your bright and demanding sign will enter Capricorn on December 21st, the longest night of the year. After this date, the days will become incrementally longer, a little brighter, and so will your mood. There isn’t a lot of action going on with Leo’s in December, it should be a simple month, that will delight and satisfy. If you’d like to get a sky show, go outside on the 13th when the Geminids Meteor Shower will reach its peak. This shower is considered the king, and known by many to be the best shower in the heavens, it can produce up to 120 multicolored meteors per hour. The ideal time to view this spectacle is just after midnight, radiating from the sign of Gemini.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Your ruling sign, Mercury, will go into a retrograde from December 3rd through December 22nd. It is vital to take care of any important matters before or after these dates. Communications may be a little delayed, problems with technology can be frustratingly prevalent, so before you open your mouth, or let your fingers go wild on a keyboard, it’s vital to double, even triple check that what you say is what you mean, what you mean is what you say, and to brush up on your reflective listening skills. You are known for your intellect and for completing detailed work. This winter is the perfect time to tie together any loose ends.

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Libra, you will have many ideal dates this month, so it’s vital to tap into the energy that is available to you. Your are ruled by the Goddess of Beauty and Love, and she will enter Sagittarius on the 1st, and trine with Neptune on the 2nd. This is a great time to take your proverbial bow, and shoot for your target of desire. You are likely to get a bullseye, if you can focus on what you want, rather than on what you don’t. The God of War, Mars, exits Libra on the 9th, so tensions will sizzle out and dissolve.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

Your ancient ruler, Mars, will enter Scorpio on December 9th. These vibrations can be directed into any project that you see fit. It is imperative that if you don’t lasso this energy, it can take you for quite the unpredictable ride. Buy the ticket, and take it. The jovial giant Jupiter, currently resides in Scorpio, and it’s time to think BIG, make it happen, Cap’n.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

Happy birthday, dear Sagittarius. Your sign is represented by the bow and arrow and the energy this month puts you right on target. Shoot for the stars and you can’t miss. Venus, the Goddess of Beauty and Love will enter Sagittarius on the 1st, and trine with Neptune on the 2nd creating two beautiful days in a row. Mercury, God of Communication will retrograde from the 3rd through the 22nd. Conversations can become murky at this time, so say what you mean, and mean what you say. The New Moon on the 18th will be in Sagittarius and on the darkest night of the year, you can still probable catch trace hints of the Geminids Meteor Shower, the king of showers! Make a wish and create a birthday month to never forget, you surely deserve it!

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November 2017 Horoscopes

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Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

You are the tenth sign of the zodiac, an earth sign ruled by Saturn, planet of restriction and limitation. Your ruling sign will be in Sagittarius until the end of the year; and Jupiter, the ruler of Sagittarius, is in the house of Saturn. The synergy of the planets will have you feeling as if you’re in the right place at the right time, particularly around November 11th, when Saturn will trine Uranus. The New Moon in Scorpio on November 18th is your hard reset date, time to see how beautiful letting go can be.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarius, you are an air sign ruled by Saturn, planet of restriction and limitation, and Uranus, God of the heavens and the sky. The most powerful day for you in November will be when both of your ruling planets (Saturn and Uranus) trine one another, that is the planets are 120 degrees apart, creating a harmonious angle of support, this day is November 11th. Prepare for this date by taking time out your day on or near November 4th (The Full Moon) to do some agenda setting, your wish is the universe’s command.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Your dreamy and ethereal nature will come into play this November. You are a sign represented by two fish, swimming in opposite directions that find a way to balance each other out. There is a lot happening in November with the water signs, so you will be in an elemental month of favor. Some examples are Venus entering Scorpio on November 7th, The New Moon in Scorpio on November 18th, and your ruling planet Neptune going direct in Pisces on November 22nd. The proverbial fog in your life will begin to lift as Neptune takes an exodus on its retrograde cycle, you’ve noticed a difference since your other ruling planet, Jupiter, entered Scorpio on October 10th and will remain there for quite some time.

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

Your ruling planet, Mars, the God of War is housed in Libra, an air sign ruled by beauty and love. Fire needs oxygen (air) in order to remain ablaze, balance is the key so as to not burn bridges or to risk your flame being snuffed. There will be two major meteor showers this month. November 4th go outside and check the Taurids Meteor Shower, and on November 17th the Leonids Meteor Shower. The Leonids is produced by dust grains left behind by the comet Tempel-Tuttle.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

You are an earth sign governed by Venus, Goddess of Love. The most powerful dates for you this month are November 4th, 5th, and 13th. On November 4th, the Full Moon is in Taurus, this is a great time to harvest that which you’ve sewn, and is also the date of the Taurids Meteor Shower. Venus will enter the mysterious and charming sign of Scorpio on November 7th. November 13th is the Conjunction of Venus and Jupiter; the two bright planets will be visible in the eastern sky, just before sunrise.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Your ruling planet Mercury, will enter Sagittarius on November 5th. Sagittarius is intelligent and cunning, so you can use this beneficial date to use the power of gib to get your way; or at least practice rhetoric. The best day to let go of what no longer serves you is on the darkest night of the month, which will be on November 18th when the New Moon is in Scorpio; You can also go outside and look at the Leonids Meteor Shower, which takes place near the constellation of Leo.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

You are an emotionally intelligent and sensitive sign, dear Cancer. A water sign who is ruled by our local satellite, the Moon. The Moon will be in the fellow friendly sign of Taurus on November 4th and in the highly compatible sign of Scorpio on November 18th. November is a month that is primarily dominated by the element of water so you may feel more at home particularly during this lunar cycle. When your home life is steady and safe, everything else in your life seems to fall in place.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Although the days have gotten shorter, we are closer to the Sun in the Northern Hemisphere compared to Winter months as opposed to the Summer. The tilt is what causes us to feel like we are in the dark; entering a slumber. Now is the time to harvest the gifts of what the year has brought to you and then prepare to enter a mode of reflection. It’s been quite the year of change and growth and in retrospect you’ve grown so much. The Sun will enter fellow fire sign Sagittarius on November 21st, set the world ablaze with your leadership abilities during this time.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

This may be a quiet month for you, but will be ruled in your favor. November is primarily dominated by water and you are an earth sign that compliments water completely. Your ruling sign Mercury, will enter Sagittarius on November 5th. Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot, I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot. A time to blow your own canons into the world of possibility.

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Libra, you are ruled by Venus, the Goddess of Love and Beauty. Venus will enter the mysterious waters of Scorpio on November 7th. This will be a time when your personal art of charm and wit will come into play; ask and you shall receive. The power of gib and retort will be in your favor. A good time to wish upon a star is around the beginning of the month, when the Taurids Meteor Shower will be giving earthlings quite the spectacle in the sky.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

Happy Birthday, Scorpio! November is the month when your sign is at home in the elemental sign of water. Many favorable days lie in front of you. Venus will enter
Scorpio on November 7th, The New Moon will enter Scorpio on November 18th, and Neptune will cease its retrograde period and enter the fellow harmonious sister sign of Pisces on November 22nd. The eight weeks leading up to your birthday are a thin slice of what you can expect in the year ahead. Take note and enjoy.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

The latter half of November will be chock-full of Sagittarius birthdays. The eight weeks leading up to your birthday are a preview and synopsis of the year ahead. God of Communication, Mercury, enters Sagittarius on November 5th, use this powerful day to ask for what you want. Your ruling planet Jupiter, the God and planet of plenty is residing in the constellation of Scorpio, a powerful sign full of emotion and mystery. Expect the unexpected; you may feel anxiety on November 22nd when Jupiter will sesquiquadrate with Chiron, this angle is asking you to “just breathe, all will be okay”, and it will.

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Horoscopes

October 2017 Horrorscopes

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Capricorn 12/22 -1/19

Capricious criminals are known for their thought-out and meticulously planned scandals. They’re the most likely not to be caught by police, which is probably why the list of creepy Capricorns is so short. The darkest night of the month is on October 19th, when the New Moon is in Libra. This will create a perfect opportunity to go outside on October 21st to look at the Orionids Meteor Shower.

Celebrated Creepy Capricorns (Fiction and Nonfiction)*: Dean Arnold Corll “The Candy Man”, Tom Marvolo Riddle “Voldemort”, Bane.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Aquarians are likely to use manipulation tactics and apt to be intelligent criminals, using the mistakes of others to their advantage. The Harvest Moon on October 5th, will be the perfect night to feast upon your….meals. Your ruling planet Saturn is in Sagittarius and Uranus is in Aries. A fiery trio that can make the month go up in flames.

Awful Aquarii (*): Freddy Krueger, Gary Ridgway “Green River Killer”, Kim Jong II.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Pisces, you are one of the three zodiac signs that are likely to be a serial killer. Take note of the Popular Pesky Pisceans below. Jupiter, one of your ruling planets, enters Scorpio on the 10th, which will sync up well with your chart. Your other ruling sign, Neptune is also in Pisces, which make make this month more of a treat than a trick.

Popular Pesky Pisceans (*): John Wayne Gacy “Killer Clown”, Charles Cullen “Angel of Death”, Donald Henry “Pee Wee” Gaskins, Randy Steven Kraft “Scorecard Killer/ Freeway Killer”, Richard Ramirez “Nightstalker, Norman Bates “American Psycho”, Charles Lee Ray “Chucky.”

Aries 3/21 – 4/19

The Full Moon, also known as the Harvest Moon will be in Aries on October 5th. The night will light your light up like that of an arsonist and a can of gasoline. A controlled burn is better than lighting smoke bombs in the forest. Don’t let your emotions get out of control, otherwise expect bridges to transform themselves in coal. Cool off during the beginning of the month and during the latter take some time around October 21st to go watch the Orionids Meteor Shower. Uranus is in Aries and your ruling planet is moving into Libra on October 22nd.

Archetypal and Abominable Aries (*): Alexander Joseph “Lex” Luthor, Henri Desire Landru “Bluebeard”.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

Venus, your ruling planet, will enter Libra on October 14th. Expect balance to be brought to the force around this time. Cast away that which you no longer need in your life on October 19th when the night will be as dark as the hearts of the Terrible Taurians.
Make sure to go outside on the night of the 20st when the Orionids Meteor shower will be lighting up the sky.

Terrible Talked-about Tauruses (*): David Miscavige “Leader of the Church of Scientology”, Pol Pot “Brother Number One”, Saddam “Fuzzy Nips” Hussein.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Gemini’s are one of the craziest of all the Zodiac signs. Just take a look at some of them below. Luckily for you there isn’t a lot of activity going on in Gemini, so you can expect calmer waters to be washing over you, beach. Mercury, your ruler, will be entering the dark and mysterious waters of Scorpio on October 17th, so emotions and conversations could be quite interesting.

Notable Grisly Gemini’s (*): Jeffrey Dahmer “Milwaukee Cannibal”, Mary Flora Bell “Child Killer”, David Berkowitz “Son of Sam”, Kenneth Bianchi “Hillside Strangler”, Richard Chase “Vampire of Sacramento”, Jason Vorhees “Jason [Friday the 13th]”, Donald “Big Hands I Know You’re the One” Trump.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

Your sign is ruled by the moon, and our neighborly satellite is highlighting your leadership qualities and the ability to bring balance to your life. This is due to the following alignments: the Full Moon in Aries on October 5th, and the New Moon in Libra on October 19th. The perfect time to peep out the Orionids Meteor shower on October 21st, because the night will be so dark. I’d suggest going to the Silver Cliff Cemetery.

Choice Creepy Cancer’s (*): Jodi “Pollyanna” Arias, OJ “The Juice” Simpson, Alessandro de’ Medici “il Moro”.

Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Leo, Leo, Leo. I was doing research for criminals along the Front Range and both Donald Harry Fearn and Vernon Wayne Howell (David Koresh) were Leo’s. You have a roar that is one of the loudest, and if you don’t aim to be forgiving, you can expect to be feared. Famous Leo, Elizabeth Bathory killed over 650 victims in a little less than 20 years. Your ruling celestial object, the Sun, will enter the water sign of Scorpio on October 21st, aim for balance, and have a tepid month.

Leading Loathsome Leo’s (*): Benito “Iron Prefect” Mussolini, Grigori Rasputin “Mad Monk Rasputin”, Elizabeth Bathory “The Blood Countess”, Emile Louis.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Virgo’s are often painted as the innocent one, “The Virgin.” It seems that statistics are going against the grain here and saying the Virgo’s are the most criminal of them all. Your ruling planet, Mercury, will enter the testy waters of Scorpio on October 17th. Your seductive and charming smile may make your victims wonder where the time went, just remember that time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

Vile Venerable Virgo’s (*): Ed Gein “The Plainfield Butcher”, Richard Biegenwald “Thrill Killer”, Dean Carter, Terry Blair, Andrew Cunanan “The Boston Strangler”, Henry Lee Lucas “Confession Killer”, Paul “Ken” Bernardo “Ken and Barbie Killers”, Bellatrix LeStrange ‘Bella”, Dr. Jonathan Crane “Scarecrow.”

Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Happy Birthday, Libra! There is a lot happening in your sign this month, everything in this month is a little appetizer of what’s to come in the upcoming year. Venus enters Libra on October 14th, The New Moon is in Libra on October 19th, and Mars will enter Libra on October 22nd. Your lucky day this month is the 14th, when your ruling sign will be highlighting your chart.

Leading Lousy Libra’s (*): Michael Myers “The Shape”, Carietta “Carrie” White, Bobby Joe Long “Classified Ad Rapist”, Andrei Chikatilo “Butcher of Rostov.”

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

There is a decent amount of change and activity in Scorpio this October, enough so that it can shake up your life, especially if it has become rather stale. Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th, Mercury will enter Scorpio on October 17th, and the Sun enters your sign to say, “Happy Birthday” on October 23rd. You’re one of the darkest Zodiac signs, in that you are mysterious, and that’s what draws others to you.

Sinister Scorpio’s (*): Hannibal Lector “Hannibal the Cannibal”, Kefka Palazzo “The Psycho Clown”, Charles Manson.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

You’re one of the creepiest, criminal, and charming of all the Fire signs, just take a look at Ted Bundy. Women were seduced by him, even victims residing in Colorado were willing to uproot their entire lives just to marry ol’ Teddy Bear. October 1st is surely a special anniversary, the time to reap the rewards of the year is on October 5th, when the Harvest Moon will illuminate your life. The jovial giant Jupiter rules your sign, and Jupiter enters Scorpio on October 10th.

Scuzzy and Scandalous Sagittarii (*): Ted Bundy “Lady Killer”, George Chapman “The Borough Poisoner”, Alton “Pissy” Coleman, Timothy Krajcir “The Beast of Ukraine/ The Terminator”.

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