February 2010

Here it is February. The month of love, you know with Valentine’s Day and all . . . (rolling my eyes), and I have decided to revisit the topic of gay marriage.

While thousands of Americans—gay and straight—are fighting for gays to have the legal right to marry, other Americans are flat out against it. I know that’s not necessarily a news flash, but what if I told you that there are lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgendered folks who are against the idea?

I was first introduced to this strange and perplexing point of view in a lesbian movie The Itty Bitty Titty Committee. In it, a bisexual woman—a self-proclaimed riot grrrl feminist to the most powerful degree—attends a rally for gay marriage. In a plot twist, she actually speaks out against this notion. She explains that the idea of marriage is barbaric, whether you are a man marrying a woman, a woman marrying a woman, or a man marrying a man. Marriage, she explains, is an outdated form of submission, traditionally of a woman to a man.

Others object for religious reasons. Yes, that's right; there are some members of the gay community who still believe in religion. And, many of them deeply believe in what their religions have taught them over the years. If that same religion judges homosexuals as wrong or bad, they begin to wonder why they should be concerned or care about attempting to pursue a gay marriage.

Beyond that, some people of the gay community feel like marriage is a heterosexual practice. They can’t understand why we, as a gay society, would fight so hard to be just like straight society.

My response to all of this is simple: Gay marriage and gay rights are civil rights issues. If you’re gay and you don’t want to get married, then don’t. But wouldn’t you like to have this choice that other Americans have? Some feel fortunate to have civil unions that are recognized by the state. For many, that is enough. Kudos to you, if that is all you need for your relationship. But I want to decide that—not allow the government to make that decision for me.

Theodore B. Olson, the conservative lawyer who once worked in the George W. Bush administration, is the man at the forefront of the opposition of California’s Proposition 8 in federal court. Yes, that's right: A conservative man is pushing for our gay rights. He recently wrote in Newsweek magazine: “Legalizing same-sex marriage would also be a recognition of basic American principles, and would represent the culmination of our nation's commitment to equal rights. It is, some have said, the last major civil-rights milestone yet to be surpassed in our two-century struggle to attain the goals we set for this nation at its formation.”

I’m sorry to report that the debate about gay marriage will continue for years. I’m still surprised that America is so far behind on this issue. It is so hard for me to comprehend how some in the gay community would bash a chance for any of us to have a choice. When it comes right down to it, that’s really what we are fighting for: a choice.

I’m not ignorant to the fact that America has come a long way in comparison to other countries in the world. Just being gay is punishable by death in several countries still today: Iran, Mauritania, Saudi-Arabia, Sudan, United Arab Emirates, Yemen and parts of Nigeria. But the fact is, we do live in America—land of the free, home of the brave. America, where every “man” is to be treated equally. Well, wake up America—gay and straight. Until every citizen of this country has the same choices and rights, we aren’t equal.

If you are queer and against the idea of gay marriage, you are more than welcome to your beliefs and opinions. That’s what this country is based on. But, please don’t stand in the way of someone else who believes in marriage. You have the choice to not get married. Let those who want marriage have a choice too.

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