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PULP’s Horoscopes for May 2013

“If Nostradamus and Miss Cleo had a baby it would be Rebecca Vigil”—Anonymous

Horoscopes by Rebecca Vigil

Capricorn 12/22–1/19

The beginning of the month’s dance may feel like you have two left feet–but the beat will march on and in a short amount of time you’ll find your own groove. Also, please remember that we are all stuck in the gutter but some of us choose to gaze at the stars rather than down at our feet. Your lucky stars shine down on you and illuminate the path ahead. Just because you cannot see the entire staircase does not mean you shouldn’t take the first step. Faith is trying to call your name, Alejandro, Alejandro. Your lucky color this month is purple, yay. 


Aquarius 1/20–2/18

Pump up the volume, pump up the volume—dance, dance. If you find yourself in an awkward situation please feel free to dance it off. That’s right—in front of everyone; let your inner freak out of your Birkenstocks and into your Adida turtle shells.  There are signs everywhere, are you seeing them? You are the water bearer so, like the water please feel free to give life where you see none. Whatever you perceive on the outside is a direct reflection of your state of being. How are you being?


Pisces 2/19–3/20

Are you being a Childish Gambino, Pisces? Are you on your ball each and every day?  It’s about high time that you utilized the celestial energies and focus on what you really want and then allow it to manifest into your life. The New Moon on May 10th is a great time to physically write down what you want on a piece of paper and make sure to be incredibly clear on this. Also, look out for the Eta Aquarids Meteor Shower on May 5th and 6th. Make a wish, and let the universe do the rest of your bidding.

Aries 3/21–4/19 

Love is in the air, do you smell it? Well maybe, you need to get out of the house and into the public’s kitchen, bitch’n. That’s right hot stuff, get out and strut your ship.  May 10th is the perfect day to spruce up your vision board—have some fun with it and watch the magic manifest.  Now is the not the month to throw glitter on all your problems. Grab the bull by the horns and confront the resistance with persistence, it will pay off. 

Taurus 4/20—5/20


The sun is in your sign for the majority of the month, which means a lot of positive energy is beaming your way.  Your love life is running smoothly along the river of satisfaction which runs through the financially stable forests on the continent of your life.  Patience and persistence are two of your best qualities. I know you’ve been patient and your persistence will surely pay off this month.  Also, please remember whether you think you can or you can’t—you’re right. 


Gemini 5/21–6/21


This month a lot of resistance may reveal itself and if you strut along and dance with it, it will go away. This is a great time concerning most things in your life. If your state of being were a ride at Water World it would be the lazy river. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Just do not enjoy them too much, focus on a new project as well.  Mercury will be in Gemini on the 15
th so this is an excellent time to sign documents or come to some sort of conclusive decision, don’t forget to mark it with a B!

Cancer 6/22–7/22

If this month’s finances were Johnny, then Johnny be good. This is going to be a pretty awesome month. Lots of things are manifesting themselves in the latter half of May. May…ke sure to write down what you want on the15th and then let the universe work its magical hands on the muscles of your life.  If you have the opportunity to take a romantic weekend, by all means pass go and collect your two hundred doll hairs–just do not land yourself in jail. 

Leo 7/23–8/22

If your money situation were nuts and you were the beastly squirrel it would prove best to hide your nuts and wait until you’re really hungry. This is a great month to harness your investments and don’t show them to ANYONE ELSE! Hey! It’s only in your head you feel left out.  The first quarter phase moon is in Leo, what does that mean? I don’t know, you tell me. No, really though it should be pretty rad. Life is a byway, why don’t you ride it all knight long. That’s what she said. 

Virgo 8/23–9/22

Do you see that seductive sign lurking in the bushes, Virgo? It may be a Leo, watching your every move. Be careful, this creeper could take a flirtatious smile a mile and run with it. Is your refrigerator running?  Well you better catch it, before it runs away. This is a great month to get out your old high school year book and call all those people that you haven’t talked to since they signed it. Yeah, that’s a great idea—I’m sure you haven’t changed since high school. In that case, why don’t you light this piece of paper on fire and put it next to your head.


Libra 9/23–10/22


This month it’s all about quality and not quantity. Give your home life some sprucing up and once you do that your romantic life will take on a whole new world. Alright, settle down for a second Jasmine. Before you go looking for things in all the wrong places, look for it right inside your chest. I’m talking about your heart. That is where the treasure is in which you seek. Once you realize it, the windows of opportunity are going to swing open and blow in an agglomeration of magical opportunities. 

Scorpio 10/23–11/21


This month is bound to make you happy. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!  Your hard work is finally paying off in an innumerable amount of ways and best of all, you deserve it.  Although this month you have a lot going on for you, it’s not the best month to take a significant amount of risks. Change is inevitable and this month is perfect for you to pan handle it and look for the gold lurking at the bottom of the river of ebb and flow.  May is a great month involving all things romantic. Be on the lookout for a
banded, bulbous snarfblatt.

Sagittarius 11/22–12/21

A major cluster in your sixth house grants you the opportunity to become disciplined in many areas of your life concerning your diet, your health, and your professional life. This is also a great month to put a lot of focus on the bigger picture. Lots of synchronicities will be popping up all around you, just make sure to keep an eye out for them! Once you mentally catch them put them in your bucket and see the objects manifest into something greater than you ever imagined.

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