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Permission to Abort Mission, Soldier — Aliens Colonial Marines Review

This mission takes almost every element that made that Aliens unforgettable and cocoons them in enfeebling mediocrity.

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Aliens: Colonial Marines

Sega of America

At ease, Marine! Today, I’m going to be briefing you on your latest mission. If you recall, in 1986 General James Cameron directed one of the most adrenaline spitting science fiction/action/horror   movies to ever scare a magazine clip out of a marine’s pulse rifle. It set standards for special effects, action set pieces, sound design, and badass females as action heroes (Oorah!). It was my primary motivation for joining the corps. Anyway, your mission is meant to take place directly after that film, to be an official sequel to Cameron’s creature-feature masterpiece. It’s too bad for you, marine, that this mission takes almost every element that made that film unforgettable and cocoons them in enfeebling mediocrity – so that they can be later impregnated and killed by bloodthirsty regret. 

Don’t you run away while I’m briefing you, marine! I haven’t even told you about the gameplay yet. As trained as you are in the art of first-person shooting, there isn’t a drill sergeant in the colony who could prepare you for these aggressively dimwitted Xenos. Remember how they blended in with their environment and attacked with coordinated stealth in the film? Well, that’ll certainly never happen. Hold on now — is that a standard issue motion tracker you got there? Throw that crap away, soldier! You won’t need it! These aliens like to leap and charge directly at your line of fire in overpowering numbers with their smooth, phallic craniums, flailing and head-butting your face until you’re incapacitated by chest bursting laughter. But it isn’t funny! If you die in your mission, you’ll be waiting at a load screen for at least twenty seconds to restart at a checkpoint that’s ten to twenty minutes behind the spot you died at. Now that’s what I call “shock and awe” (OORAH!).

The online mode partly redeems your mission. Modes like Escape where a 4 person marine team wipes the pixelated floor with a 4 person alien team while the marines complete objectives does a good job of capturing the urgency that the campaign fails to implement. But with only a few maps to choose from, you might prefer a dishonorable discharge to remaining in active duty. 

Even though the graphics are not of this console generation; your character model and that of your fellow marines resembles concepts for rejected, puppet-faced action figures of a bygone era; and the story is completely irrational as a continuation of the film, not all is bad on your mission, son. The sound effects are all nearly identical to the film (you’ll never tire of the sound of your pulse rifle shredding through a Xenomorph’s ugly mug), and the music has the intensity to set your trigger finger on repeat. With the right mentality and low expectations, your mission can be completed and occasionally enjoyed along the way. NOW GET YOUR ARSENAL IN GEAR, SOLDIER! 

Subjective Recommendation: Marine! You’re breaking up… Do you read me…? Abort mission… I repeat… Abort ………. mission…………….

Objective Recommendation: As hyped as this mission was for the past five years, the end result is disappointingly underwhelming. Hardcore colonial marines and fans of Cameron’s film who want to knock some aliens on their ribbed backside might have fun with this offering. Rent before you buy. I repeat, rent before you…

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Star Wars™ Pinball: Star Wars Rebels™

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Zen Studios has concocted a ruse of amusement, it’s a trap—of fun. Star Wars™ Pinball: Star Wars Rebels™, established by the critically acclaimed animated TV show on Disney XD, Star Wars Rebels™, releases endorphins chock full of nostalgia and bliss. With all of the Star Wars talk going on as of late, it’s nice to get in your daily need of pew pew! Stormtroopers assemble and try to take down the hero of Lothal, the whole mission thing is a bit nuts. This pinball table goes to a galaxy far far away by delving into an age that has yet to be traversed by the films. Zen studios gets the balance of the force just right, do not try to get this table, do it.

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Pinball FX-2 Avengers: Age of Ultron

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Zen Studios does it again with Pinball FX2 – Marvel Avenger’s: Age of Ultron. This table is available on PC, Xbox One, and Playstation 4. Avengers Assemble! Age of Ultron quenches a thirst for adventure you didn’t know you had. Players assist Iron Man in finishing his most aspiring venture to date. The profound and climactic soundtrack will rip you out of the comfort of your chair and into the Age of Ultron. Enjoy this audacious addition to the Avenger’s universe, Thor’s might is on your side. The Incredible Hulk, Hawkeye, and Black Widow make a gargantuan attempt at arresting the nefarious Ultron. Pull yourself together and check out this game, you can’t afford more mistakes. The god of thunder favors you.

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Shaking the Habitual, The Knife | Album Review

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By The Knife

Shaking the Habitual is something every person needs more of in life. Stepping outside of boundaries and entering a new experience can have a confounding effect on the senses. Rhythm and movement resonate from the deepest depths of the soul and project outward in an array of vibrancy. 

What starts off like a indigenous ceremony quickly changes to a post apocalyptic nuclear wasteland by the third track, “A Cherry on Top.” Then, finding semblance in a 19 minute interlude, “Old Dreams Waiting to Be Realized,” the brother-and-sister duo reemerge in ritualistic fashion with the deep bass line of “Raging Lung”. Ending with an unsettling aptitude, Fracking Fluid Injection precedes the final track, Ready to Lose; providing insight to a larger contextual effect this album has in a world seeming “Full of Fire.” 

Although difficult to fully embody the composition of electronic and aboriginal noise heard in The Knife’s new album, Shaking the Habitual, any movement to the music is sure to conjure emotion. At times, the May release represents a more archetypal sound in the art of music. 

Tying together components of old and new, the Swedish duo creates a spellbinding effect with the first track, A Tooth For an Eye. Amalgamating dominant instrumentations, subtle synth lines and underlying vocals, A Tooth For and Eye entices the listener with something seldom projected over the airwaves. 

Coming off a seven year hiatus, the duo can predominate with an electronic influence, but, ultimately the seamless transition across a spectrum of sound grasps the ear. Delivered in its entirety, the lasting impression might leave one feeling like a participant of a seance.

— Rob Donovan

 

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