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Horoscopes for January 2013

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Horoscopes for January 2013

Capricorn 12/22–1/19

The sun is lighting a few different paths for you this New Year. One will lead to feelings that are scrumptiously full of maturity and responsibility. The other will certainly lead to doomsday, boomsticks, and the necronomicon—most likely. Regardless, both will take you where you’re supposed to be but only if you gimme some sugar, baby. I am your neighbor. 

Aquarius 1/20–2/18

Jupiter is having quite the pull on your chart this month. It is allowing you to shimmy in the puddle of opportunity and stink of success.  At the same time, Uranus is having the exact opposite effect on your chart; feeling like a bridge over troubled water while hearing the sound of silence, and sensing you’re the only living boy/girl in Pueblo.  No worries, every little thing is gonna be alright. 

Pisces 2/19–3/20

Alright Goldilocks, destiny’s powerful hand has made the bed of your future and it’s up to you to lie in it. The choice is yours and it always has been. You’re quite the intuitive sign and the law of attraction is evident in everything you’ve done to this point. Is the bed you’ve chosen too hot, too cold, or just right? The celestial alignments point toward the latter. 

Aries 3/21–4/19 

Intelligence and wisdom are trying to penetrate your reality but Venus is making your life quite complicated.  Venus rhymes with keenness and if you want to get the most out of this month I suggest opening yourself to opportunity before it knocks but also be aware of the consequence(s).

Taurus 4/20—5/20

Mars, the god of war is trying to wreck havoc in your world by throwing obstacles in the road. You need to take this as a sign to slow down, take a defeat, and come back stronger than ever.  Remember, the feet that carry you on the heart’s path today will be the feet that soak in the steaming brew of happiness tomorrow. 

Gemini 5/21–6/21

Your chart is looking quite balanced and that is strange for your mutable sign but it’s true. IT’S TRUE! Venus is allowing you to enjoy the finer things in life and Jupiter lightens your load. You must have done something good at least once in your life to deserve this, right? Good for you, you go Glenn Coco. 

Cancer 6/22–7/22

Mars may be trying to disrupt the flow of things but it is up to you to get in the river of bestowment and give a dam. Of course you are not one to back down, are you Cancer?  You are currently attracted to anything taboo, secretive, and hidden. That in itself is as hot as the star, Bellatrix. 

Leo 7/23–8/22

Mercury the winged messenger took off on a Jet plane, but I bet you can guess when he’ll be back again. You’re right, it’s this month! He is bringing you a relatively smooth month, as smooth as a rabies autumn. Things will fall into place only if you let them, let it be. 

Virgo 8/23–9/22

I hope ewe are wearing wool underwear dear Virgo, ewe just may become shearly attracted to someone who may charm the fleece right off ewe. However, Uranus is simultaneously taking it all out on ewe and this time ewe can’t use Pepto Bismol to cash all these Czechs you’ve been riding– Baa-baa-humbug.

Libra 9/23–10/22

Mercury is causing problems…a lot of them. Are you going to take the reins of resolve and ride your vision vehicle into the sunset of satisfaction? YES, yes you are.  If you find yourself feeling hot and feverish for god’s sake, buy a cowbell.  Yeah, you’re going to need more cowbell. 

Scorpio 10/23–11/21

For breakfast Mars is serving of up a piping hot bowl of reality. This nutritious yet bitter meal is brought to you by Mother Nature and the Divine.  Wash down that worry with a refreshing beverage rich with a daily dose of independence and empowerment– courtesy of Uranus.

Sagittarius 11/22–12/21

If you’re trying to turn a difficult play into a potential prospect then just make sure to nail a perfect spiral so the malevolent forces do not get an interception.   If you make sure to make the most of this pivotal time, then you’ll definitely be in it to win it. 


By Rebecca Vigil, a local astrologer.

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